Review: Dear Arlo by Tom Kreffer

Synopsis: It begins immediately.

There’s no transition period, no trial run, no supervised training, no e-learning module and no simulation that you can f**k up as many times as you need to until you get it right.

As soon as the midwife hands you your newborn baby, you are responsible for keeping it alive.

Picking up moments after Dear Dory ends, Dear Arlo: Adventures in Dadding continues the story of one dad and his journal as he strives to survive the first year of parenthood, blundering his way through bottle-sterilising, night feeds and some cataclysmic nappy changes – all while a pandemic sweeps across the planet.

WARNING: ONCE AGAIN, THIS BOOK CONTAINS A LOT OF SWEARING

Right from the very start Tom asks: " ... we don't just jump into this parenthood gig .. do we? Isn't there some sort of transition phase for new parents? ..."

This self-effacing edition to the "adventures in dadding" series, will put the fear of God into first time dads, whilst bringing tears of laughter to those with their own brood of ankle-biters.

From day one, Tom questions whether or not he should be "... allowed to operate a few minutes old baby ..." , especially given the choice of baby-soothing lullabies (Yogi Bear Song).

Again, we are treated (though I question if that is the right choice of word?) to the daily rituals of feeding, napping changing (including details of the ‘cheeky, up-the-back, explosive shart’), with visits to family, friends, and healthcare professionals that all new parents go through, to first words and first steps unaided.

From Wednesday 12th February 2020:

"Today was great; I was wearing a black T-shirt when you projectile-vomited all over me. Mummy took one look, laughed and told me I looked like a Jackson Pollock painting.".

Kreffer also deals with first-time-parent issues such as leaving baby at home to spend some time together as a couple (code for out on the piss), going on a short holiday, and returning to work. Amid all of this new parent chaos, the dreaded covid is looming on the horizon and we encounter the issues of working from home with an infant under one.

Tom takes us through bed time etiquette:

"He tries to resist, like a victim in a horror movie scraping his nails on the wooden floorboards, but instead of screaming in terror, he giggles and shrieks in delight."

To little accidents:

"... you fell over .... I was holding a hot cup of tea at the time, and when I launched myself to save you from injury, the tea departed the cup and arced perfectly, before swan diving right down my .... " - read on to find out exactly where the tea landed but let us say that men will cringe and shed a small tear.

To the arrival of the first birthday, a father's reflection and a parent's realization that: MEANINGFULNESS + CONTENTMENT = HAPPINESS!